| wow its been forever.. |
[Dec. 26th, 2006|02:26 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
i completely forgot about this thing.. livejournal is too good to just leave forgotten. I miss writting in here all the time. It's so much more personal, and stress relieving. I dont even write this much in my regular journal its just easier to type something then to write it. My brother is playing guitar hero II and i love this game, today was my first time playing it and i have to admit it is pretty tight lol. and i got a 94% on the easy level lol id say im doing pretty good, im addicted alright.. hm lol
Well as i read back on all my journal entries i really suprised myself. I have changed so much but things are still the same .. i dont know, being around the college scene is so tempting.. everything about it, it can be so easy just to let go and 'have fun' and i did for a little bit and it scared me.. i began to lose a sense of myself. I began to grow farther away from God and grew more and more distant from everything and everyone. I havent been able to trust anyone, or 'let myself go' with the people closes to me. Ive cahnged so much it got to the point where i wouldnt let anyone close, i would open up a little bit and then once it got to the point where i could be vulerable i completely cut off my feelings and closed up inside. This is my way of not getting hurt. The minute i found a guy like myself at Ferris i immediatley flocked to him (lol) and guess what he did.. the same thing i have been doing to everyone else.. ironic huh.. got what i deserved..a little bit lol. That is another thing, ive been so preoccupied on boys i dont find time for nething else.. why? i dont know. Prolly because i am so used to having someone there, i find comfort in having someone there. But that was the point of me and matts break up. I want to be independent right now, i need to be, i just starting going to college, i dont know where ill end up, or who i will be with, or anyone at that, i need to knwo that i can and will be ok on my own emotionally and financially. So many things have happend in these past months and ive changed so much in everyway. Some things i have changed for the better and some for the worst. Hopefully i can change those changes for the worse in good time. But no reason to sit here and worry about them because it is all in Gods hands and i know i will be ok.
Time for change.
It will be tough.
No one ever said it would be easy.
I will be writting on here more often.. i miss it..
Hope everyones Christmas was a good one :) |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 13th, 2006|03:17 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
So i havent updated since january, and i really dont know why, i still like live journal better then my space. its just all kinda boring. I guess live journal i can just vent in, to whoever cares, or bothers by chance to listen.
For a while now all i have been doing is going to school, work and hanging out with matt, nothing less nothing more. I wish.. even though this sounds really bad, i wish.. i could have a whole new set of friends, or just start over with everyone, because the way things are between me and my friends arent all that great. I guess.. i wish a lot of things were different. Eh, what can you do?
I wanna scream right now
Scream really loud
I dont know how
To let out how i feel
I dont know how to deal
With all these emotions
Hurt,
Fear,
Pain,
Hate,
Rejection,
Happiness,
Loved,
Not being Loved,
Walked on,
Being Lied to, compulsively
I know this will all pass.. but i needed to write it down somewhere.. i cant wait to get out of highschool and away from here..
start all over..
that would be nice. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2006|03:51 pm] |
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Well hello long lost LJ. Life's been good lately. Matt puts a smile on my face everyday! I dont know where id be without him. He's my past present and future! I love him! As for cheerleading... i dont know, i love it, i love round 3 and my bases and backspot. Im seriously lucky to have the bases i do, i can trust them fully, i dont think ive ever thought " what if they drop me" Nope. Never once crossed my mind! They Rock... ! But cheerleading in general just annoys me and its not cause of the girls. It seems like practice is canceled all the time, no friday practices.... Look at shores... they deserve it, guarenteed they work way harder. aNd it makes me furious because i feel like we need a more motivating coach! Not one that says... YOU DONT derserve this trophy for 1st place... even tho we went into it not having practice for 5 days........ not one that stares us down with dirty looks before rounds and looks pissed off after we finish! WE Need a coach to be HAPPY for us... thats all i ask. Us girls deserve it.
so Ryan's coming over today! And im excited because we havent hung out in a really long time. He used to just walk across the street and just come hang out almost everyday. I miss back then. Well im just happy hes coming!
* God Bless |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|07:05 pm] |
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So im EXTREMELY annoyed right now. I cant stand the personi love the most. But anyways i have something to be SO happy and excited about! WE had our COmpetition yesterday! and our Round 3 was AWESOME! and i LOVE MY BASES...Renee and Claire and my BACKspot Thersea... they fricken rock!!!! Saturday will be even BETTER and im pumped
..Tonite i guess me matt matt and julie were supposed to go to the movies... to bad it didnt work out:( Now we're not even going to the game ...downer for sure!
God Bless* |
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| HELLoOo |
[Jan. 1st, 2006|10:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
GoOd ByE 2005.... Hello 2006!!! So My start off to a new years is just wonderful. I spent it with my favorite boyfriend.. lol And my friends! This new years eve was a good one! Im going to miss everyone seriously tho. But Nick's house was a blast, and im glad i went, and im glad that i got to hang out with my girl Laura! Renee and Kelly.. no YOU are hilarious! and Corey came lol .. awe corey's such a good guy! iLove him! But thats all i got to say. I hope everyone had a safe and FUN new years! :)
Hopefully this will be a good year! i have a feeling it will be!!!
God Bless*
ps.... I miss my nicolie |
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| dance pics |
[Dec. 17th, 2005|04:00 pm] |
another one
a funny one..
after..
awe! Me and shane
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2005|10:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
So this weekend was a good one. A nice little break from school. Spent lots of time with my boy. Some drama here in there.. whats new... Saw someone i havent seen in a "grip" lol. Nice. I want to go see Nikki next weekend, her baby is adorable! Competitive season here i come...! Everything is going great right now, i hope i dont mess this up.
MUah!!!
*God Bless*
-Nicole |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2005|08:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
I havent updated in a really long time. I'm sitting at Matt's house doing about nothing, just got done watching that seventeen MTV show or whatever. Matt's going to pick up Will and its just me and his mom and yeh all i got to say is ... akwardness... She's been yelling a lot just like my mom. and i cant take it , i dont need another momyelling, im trying to get away from that! for real tho! Lately ive kinda been stressing, about cheerleading/work/school.. my mom... yelling about money. It seems like i always need more money, i never have enough, i work twice a week and that goes towards gas money, i have no extra money to just spend on myself it sucks.. christmas dance is coming and i need to buy some stuff like jewelry and shoes. It just seems like i always have my mom on my back about everything, i cant do EVERYTHINg that she wants me to,i got 4.0 this marking period, doing a sport andhave a job and have to clean the house all the time, and not to mention i have a boyfriend, that requires a lot of time. He is my stress reliever, he helps me through the day. He's my SUNSHINE. No matter how bad my day goes, he is one of the only ones that can still make me smile. I wish ijust knew i was going to spendthe rest of my life with him, i wish icould say that i am. I guess i can just say i hope, i pray that we are!
ACT's scores coming in soon..
Will i get accepted...
Pry should apply to more than1 college...
Wish i hav 30 bucks to...
Well my life is really great, ihave a lot to behappy about! Tons really! God is great! ALL THE TIME!
*God Bless |
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| LiveJournal.. Meet Joey... :) |
[Oct. 19th, 2005|01:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
MAtt got me Joey for sweetest day.. yep a suck up he is ! but i absoultely love joey he's so cuddly and sweet and small... the exact kind of pet ive always wanted..!!! |
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| Last home game :( |
[Oct. 16th, 2005|12:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
The girls*
Me and Kel!
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|04:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  grateful | ] |
It's been a while since i last posted but ah this weekend was so awesome, i love the girls i met from fruitport last weekend, expecially julie and steph! lol We had a frickin blast...! anyways, i started at my new job this saturday! at MAggies Gourmet gift shop! love it! and matts birthday is in 10 days... got him some pretty sweet stuff! lol then our 1 year is january 1st....... MUAH i love him! We're absoultely great, still going strong! :) it's crazy we've been together for this long... never had a relationship that passed like 2 months.. nice i know!
* Family pics this weekend, me and matt are getting them done also! awe! im excited!!!!
**God Bless*** |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 26th, 2005|03:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | grateful | ] |
I havent really posted in a while. But lately ive been trying to be happy, and greatful about how wonderful my life is actually. I mean sometimes i think i got it bad, then i really think about it, its not even close to bad, i mean i have a wonderful boyfriend, i have God in my life, i have a wonderful family, and not to mention a roof over my head.. which a lot dont even have right now. I'm truely blessed with so many things, and i cant let my selfish self take advantage of that, and forget that God has given me all these things, he has blessed me with plenty, and it can be taken away at any time, so i need to not be ungreatful.
Me and matt have been going to church lately! and i LOVE it... Absoultely L O V E it... now i know its going to be an on going thing, every sunday, because i dont have work anymore, and its great, im always so excited to go to church it puts me in such a wonderful mood! And it's even greater because matt's doing it with me!!!! Ahh everything is just so great.. and i love it! Have a wonderful day!
* God Bless * |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2005|05:01 pm] |
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I didnt mean to say powder puff was officially over... But the school said if their where any police reports that it was off.. and there were like 3.. soo.. But who knows really... either way i know we'll have it even if its not at the field... ..... 06 baby! |
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[Sep. 20th, 2005|01:25 pm] |
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So Juniors are deffinatly gay... and very immature ... so looks like no powder puff.... idiots |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 2nd, 2005|08:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
So the game last night was exciting... i thought the boys did very good!
Thersea came over after the game! there was nothing to do so we just went to my house.. lol i love her!
This weekend im going camping with my family and MAtt is coming with!! and im very excited lol and were going CaNOEING.. and you have no idea i love stuff like that so much.. i almost miss camping all the time, i used to love the outdoors, and spend hours and hours at a time, playing in the woods with my cousins... lol.
So school is about to start and im almost happy about it.. lol i dont want this year to end any time soon, i dont want to think about college, i want to stay in highschool,... my comfort zone. Nothing will be the same, and everything will change. But thats not necessarially a bad thing. I just a little scared, but thats normal right? I really miss some of my friends right now... i feel like im never close enough to my friends as i want to be... Last night though, me and kristen had a nice long conversation.. i missed her!!! so yeh im glad we talked! But most of all i really miss my best friend Nicole Ann * we havent hung out in forever, and theres never any time to hang out. were both so busy and i hate it, i absoultely hate it! but schools a comin and we got classes together!! so were united once again! lol
Well matt should be here soon.
God Bless You, and have a wonderful night * |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2005|11:49 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | chipper | ] |
Psalms 118:8 "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust man."
We often tend to trust what we can see and feel. Placing our trust what we can see and feel Placing our trust in God when we cant see him is where faith comes in.
Sometimes we cant see or feel the sun. But we dont doubt its exsistance simply because its hidden behind the clouds. And there are times we cant feel the wind. Do you still believe what the air exists even when you cant feel or hear it? To stay in the center of Gods will requires faith, and faith is trusting withour seeing.
* GOd bless |
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| Picture update! |
[Aug. 27th, 2005|08:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
I absoultly L O V E everything about football season! I love cheering for it! its the best!!!
Heres some pictures that were taken by the fabulous Jackie... lol
Here we go...
And look at everyones faces .. struggling lol.. it worked tho!
Then we finished it..!.. Nice..!:-D
And heres the last one...! Ah i really like my stunt group!
Oh yeh.. and heres me and kelly!! Gota love her!
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2005|03:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
So me and matt have been together like 8 months now... We got everything worked out, and all is good with me and him, but im still not quite happy... not just with him.. but with life. Maybe i just need school.. lol that sounds funny , but what i mean by that is... I need my friends back. I feel like i lost them all. And its not that i ditch them, its becuase ive been so busy lately. And i try try to make time, but nothing i ever do is good enough. I havent been close to God. Andi feel like i need to go to church, but i have work, and i cant get sundays off becuase thats when they need me. And it sucks, every sunday hoping i can just get it off to go to church. Its so hard right now to keep in touch with God, and it shouldnt be this hard, but it just keeps getting worse. I feel like i dont "fit" in anywhere. I cheerlead but dont so much hang out with those girls. Im with matt all the time and he goes to a different school, so its like i dont fit exactly with his friends. Ryans gone.. again .. to California, and he left today, and a few nights ago didnt end so well, so i tried calling him and i didnt get a call back, so i didnt try again, but now hes gone. My best friend, and i didnt even try a little harder to see him, but neither did he. AH.I dont know wherei belong. I dont know who i am. And i thought i did... but i guess a girl my age has a long way to go... Everything in my life rightnow besides matt im not happy with. I feel like all i have to be happy for is him. All i have to hold on to is him.im just ME when im around him. We fight, but always forgive, we laugh together, grow together, we go through things together,we cry together... I just want to be me. |
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